I am in the process of writing graphic noiz manga 3 and illustrating the pages. The books is about Shiro the famous bestselling scifi author of the Fissure series and Noiz the indie manga artist who is working on the Fissure manga project. The two characters are loosely based on real people, one of them a person who has been around me and meant a lot to me for a long time. But although I fell in love with this person in college then was away from them for a long time, the opportunity to bring them back into my life was a dream come true but the reality of that decision brought devastation and the person causing much pain. Never again.
When you are young your love is ideal, it is hatsukoi or puppy love. It is an elevated sense of beautiful giving of ones self to another from the bottom of your heart. It is innocent and pure and even one might say divine. This was my experience with my first love in college. He was in my life for about 4 years and in that time I fell deeply in love with him. When I had a chance to meet him again many years later my father had just died and I was looking for a connection. I thought it was fate that I could once more be close to him. The problem was that I had matured and he had changed into a person that was no longer the one I had fallen in love with all those years ago. He was bruised and damaged and was no longer the person I knew.
When I had been in college he was the only person who had ever understood me. When I met him later, he was unable to comprehend who I was, my motives for helping him or anything about me. He made guesses based on his reality that were untrue and did not even come close to why I was helping him. And no matter of discussion could get him to come around and see my point of view. The only solution for the damage he caused was to get away from him and move on and get away. To this day I hope he is well and I hope he can thrive in his life but I have learned that he is damaging to me and I cannot be around him for my own sanity.
In the story graphic noiz there are elements of this relationship that influence the story. Shiro is arrogant and self centered and Noiz is clueless and young able to be taken advantage of easily. This part of the story is reminiscent of what I experienced in my life with this person. Even though graphic noiz is YA and tame from a romantic standpoint the story is still about the relationship between the two characters and how they interact with each other.
The damage that I endured with this person had implications that affected my writing. The person was controlling and I was unable to write while he was with me because he thought that the world should revolve around him and the most important person in my life should be him. This is selfish and narcissistic. This is not the case. The most important person in my life should be me and there should be no compromise. This person ended up being a bully and was harmful in may ways and required me to get away from him to protect myself. Now I still love this person with the bottom of my heart but like ACA says, you have to detach with love for the good of the person. This is what I have done. I will not save him any more thought I saved him in the past. It is his job to save himself not mine.
When I comes down to protecting yourself from those who harm you, know that you deserve to be respected and should not be abused in any way. If someone is abusing you then get away. I know now that I cannot be around this person to protect myself. I do not feel guilty for helping or anything that happened or my decisions along the way. All I was doing was trying to help. Now I know that I have to move on and put this chapter behind me. It was nice to be able to see the person again but he is no longer who I fell in love with ad is dangerous. So therefore I can no longer be around him. I must protect myself from harm.
In relation to graphic noiz, Shiro is damaged by his past and lashes out a Noiz who gets confused by their interactions. Volume 6 of the novella series will look into this dynamic as Shiro faces a tragedy and must once more find his way in the world and be himself inn spite of the devastation. Hopefully Noiz can be there with him to help him through the emotional pain of his past.
Volume 6 of graphic noiz and manga 3 are both currently in production with 2020 release dates planned.